Embrace Your Inner Bitch Month
March has been offically ruled by AKV as the “Embrace Your Inner Bitch Month”.
With that said, presented below are 8 tips to do just that. Why 8? Cause 7 wasn’t enough and I didn’t have 9…
1. Own your Judgementalism… a little critism is healthy, especially when it is of other people.
2. Stereotypes – they are just labels to organise our dislikes, so run with it! The world needs more order.
3. Apologize to no one for nothing. This will put your Bitch street-cred at a new all time high.
4. Stop at the same time everyday and insist on drinking hot tea no matter where you are or what you are doing. This proves nothing but gives you an aire of eccentricity which can be viewed as bitchy in women.
5. Vanity is so bitchy… Wear oversized designer sunglasses everywhere – indoors, outdoors, while cooking, all the time. Tell people this is the key to looking young because you reduce squinting.
6. High Heels – True bitches wear high heels! A Fucking Bitch always wears expensive designer heels….
7. Boys love Bonnie Bell lipgloss. Girls that get male attention wear Bonnie Bell lipgloss. Be sure to always have a jumbo tube of your favorite flavor handy and be sure to reapply it often using the glossy stick to pronounce the DSLs you are sporting. Girls who get attention are considered “Bitches” by other females. Again, Bitch Stock rises…
8. Make sure you use the phrase, “I’ll Bitchslap a princess harder than her daddy before the shotgun wedding” atleast once a day during this month. The idea of people doing this cracks me up and after all, it’s all about me.
