My 38th birthday is this month…. I love lilacs, choxie chocolates and amazon.com gift cards

March has been offically ruled by AKV as the “Embrace Your Inner Bitch Month”. 

With that said, presented below are 8 tips to do just that. Why 8? Cause 7 wasn’t enough and I didn’t have 9…

1. Own your Judgementalism… a little critism is healthy, especially when it is of other people.
2. Stereotypes – they are just labels to organise our dislikes, so run with it!  The world needs more order.
3. Apologize to no one for nothing.  This will put your Bitch street-cred at a new all time high.
4. Stop at the same time everyday and insist on drinking hot tea no matter where you are or what you are doing. This proves nothing but gives you an aire of eccentricity which can be viewed as bitchy in women.
5. Vanity is so bitchy… Wear oversized designer sunglasses everywhere – indoors, outdoors, while cooking, all the time.  Tell people this is the key to looking young because you reduce squinting.
6. High Heels – True bitches wear high heels! A Fucking Bitch always wears expensive designer heels….
7. Boys love Bonnie Bell lipgloss. Girls that get male attention wear Bonnie Bell lipgloss.  Be sure to always have a jumbo tube of your favorite flavor handy and be sure to reapply it often using the glossy stick to pronounce the DSLs you are sporting.  Girls who get attention are considered “Bitches” by other females. Again,  Bitch Stock rises…
8. Make sure you use the phrase, “I’ll Bitchslap a princess harder than her daddy before the shotgun wedding” atleast once a day during this month. The idea of people doing this cracks me up and after all, it’s all about me.

2009 has been quite a year for the AKV….

• First backstage Hank III show but not last.
• Moved to Nashville arriving April 1st.
• First major fight with 4 of my closest friends, 3 friendships recovered.
• 15 Hank III shows with 1 more to come before 2010.
• I’m finally gt married after 18 1/2 yrs.
• My daughter turned 13.  being a teenager is scary… being a parent of one is worse. *smiles*
• I decided to drop drop my career of 10 yrs and start a new business in 2010.
• I have visited 10 states this year, more than any other year, all for concerts.
• I learned I have severe arthuritis in my neck and tailbone area, with other spine/neck issues and shouldn’t be riding roller coasters or headbanging.
• Celebrated Halloween with the first round of trick or treaters  in 10 yrs.
• Went on a halloween hayride which I haven’t done in over 20 years.
• Enjoyed Fall leaves for the first time in 27 yrs, along with a cold winter.
• Had our Halloween Hootenanny party with 13 attendees – normally there are about 150.
• Found out a good friend of mine has breast cancer which scares me.
• Got confirmation that Florida sucks as bad as I thought it did when I lived there…
• I realized that Florida truly does not have the worst drivers in the country, Tennessee does.
• I only got one tattoo this year – WTF?
• RIP Diggs Dynamite (Jesse)
• I broke out the craft and sewing supplies, made ornaments and got inspired!
• I got my first pair of new glasses in more than 10 yrs! I still prefer contacts…..